Has Church Become More About Performance Than Purpose? | Exclusive Throwback Episode

☕ FROM THE VAULT ☕

From the vault of our Patreon exclusives, we're unlocking an unseen conversation from Episode 97. This episode was originally reserved for our Patreon community and never released on YouTube—until now.

In this candid conversation, Tee and Chit Chat Coco dive into faith, church culture, accountability, and what happens when your relationship with God begins to mature beyond routine and religious performance.

As women navigating our 30s and evolving faith journeys, we discuss the difference between attending church out of habit versus seeking genuine spiritual growth. From church theatrics and social media church culture to pastoral accountability, tithing transparency, worship styles, and the fine line between religion and relationship, no topic is off limits.

We also unpack viral conversations surrounding church performance, public displays of faith, and whether Christians can love God while still questioning certain behaviors within the modern church.

In this episode:
☕ Church culture after 30
☕ Religion vs. relationship with God
☕ Faith beyond routine and tradition
☕ Church accountability and leadership transparency
☕ Worship styles and spiritual maturity
☕ Social media's influence on modern church culture
☕ The importance of discernment in your faith walk
☕ Can you love God and still question church culture?
☕ Finding authentic community and fellowship

Whether you're deeply involved in church, rebuilding your faith, questioning traditions, or simply looking for real conversations about Christianity and personal growth, this episode creates space for discussions many believers are already having behind closed doors.

Join the conversation below:
Has your relationship with church changed as you've gotten older? Do you think church culture has become too performative, or is accountability being mistaken for criticism?

#ChurchCulture #ChristianPodcast #FaithJourney #ReligionVsRelationship #ChurchAccountability #ChristianWomen #FaithTalk #ChristianConversations #SpiritualGrowth #ModernChurch #RelationshipWithGod #CupOfConversationPodcast

Transcript

0:14

Welcome back to another cup of conversations. Where we have conversations worth having. I'm your girl Chit Chat Coco. And I'm your girl Tea to the Boss to the Y'all like that. Um, what would you say um as far as when you hit 30? How has church culture changed since you hit 30? Like because I know me, I prioritize real true connection, real peace, real joy over the performance of it. I think another thing too is about, like I said, I'd rather not go to Sunday church because it's it's a performer. I feel it's very performative, even down to the preachers. And then just thinking about like how preachers do the I like all of it is just performative to me, like and the screaming and the hooping and the hollering, and I and I'm more of a teach me type of person. I've I've graduated from being the person that breaks down and cry every Sunday in church because now I'm saved for real, for real. So I I need the real teaching. Like I need to, I need to hear you. I don't need you to be doing all that because I need to focus on what you're telling me. I can't focus because you're doing all of that, and I can't focus because then you and I I can't I can't focus anymore. You know what I'm saying? So I I know that, and it was really prior to me hitting 30, right when me and um Carrie we joined our the church previously. We previously went to before the church we're we were at recently, if that makes sense. Uh right before COVID, I'll say that. Right before COVID, we joined the church, and I felt like around that time we had left Omega Church, a well-known church in Houston, because of that reason, not because of that the pastor was doing that, but like just the performatives of it. Like, you know, just like we have to do this, we have to do this, we gotta do the the first lady gotta get her red bottoms for her birthday. All of that was just so performative to me. And so I really was in a space of like I really want to know where who God is, and I really want to know his word. And so I just I'm very intentional now about where I go to church, who I listen to, and who I assemble with. Because just saying I go to church out of a religion, religiously, because that's religion. Going to church every Sunday, making doing something religiously, that's religion. And I don't want to be a part of that anymore. Yeah. And so um my focus has been being intentional about being the church, like they say in the Bible. I heard what you're saying. You being a church and you being amongst people who have the who are the church. Yeah. And so for me, that's how it has changed for me. Not I wouldn't say 30s, but like in my latter 20s to 30 years. That's what I was just finna say. I don't think it matters, the age matters. I think um, since you are further along in your faith walk, that's what it looks like for you because you've been through years of the tired theatrics. As for me, I went to church when I was young. My grand, my great-granny is the one who kept us in church. So I probably went all the way up into like middle school. But when she passed away when I was in middle school, I didn't go to church from like, I would say, well, I'm not gonna say I didn't go. Because when I graduated, when I was in high school, we found us another church that me and my mom and them start going to. And I got baptized again there when I was like 21. But I didn't stay in the church. Like I, and like you said, when you're not in there every Sunday, you don't have that same conviction, like loud and so I would still be in my Bible and stuff, but I'm not in there. So I'm not, I'm not feeling convicted to stop smoking or stop doing what I'm doing, going out to the club or whatever the case may be. So I think it doesn't look different. Um, it looks different for me because of where I'm at in my walk, not because I'm 30. I think it looks different for me because now, like you said, I'm trying to focus on the word. And I get what you mean about the theatrics. Right now, I'm in a faith where I'm in the uh season of my faith where I feel like that turns me up. Like that, that's I I need a little, yes! Yeah, I need I need them to act crazy like that right there. Because I need to come up out of my spiritual shell, if that's a thing. Like, you know, you could be shy in church. Like up here, I might talk all day, and then in church, if I don't feel like I have the right things to say, or like, you know, I ain't that knowledgeable on that subject, I'm pretty quiet, you know. So um, that right now is pumping me up. But I do think that a lot of people are these days picking their churches off a trendy theatrical, uh, you know, and it's not giving like it's giving more religion. Like, I'm I'm just going because I know that I need to do this and I'm recording it and I didn't put it on my Instagram. People know I gotta be here on Sundays. You know what I mean? Like, I've already told TikTok this is what I do, so I gotta have to go. Get ready with me for chicken. You know what I mean? Like, I gotta go. But I don't want that to be my reason to be convicted to go to church. Like, for example, last Sunday, I was telling Bubba I just had a lot to do, and every weekend I be piling stuff up. And on Sunday, I be wanting to rest, but I'd be like, man, I can't sleep in too far because I gotta be at church 9.45. And I told Bubba, I say, I can stay home from church to like I would I was just thinking out loud. I wasn't really asking him. I'm thinking out loud, and he was like, You can, but I'm gonna go. I was like, all right. So I'm starting sitting around like I wasn't gonna go. But like I started getting the conviction, like, it just go ahead and go. You know, you you done got up early for everything else. Well, you know what I mean? Like, so don't skip out now. Don't skip out when it comes to you know, the Lord. So don't so I got up and went, and that's exactly what the sermon was about. I said, baby, if I would have had to watch this on YouTube TV, I probably would have cut it off. Yeah. No, really. Like, I would have cut it off because he was talking specifically to me. Come to the house. I know it's a lot of y'all who think y'all can make it outside, and you could, you know, you might skip a day or a Sunday or two, but don't always wake up on Sundays with the, he called it the Sunday morning sickness. Like you only get that on Sunday morning, and after a couple hours, you alright to go out and drink and watch football games and do whatever you need to do. And for me, um, I know the latter part of probably the middle of 2025, I took a break from going to church every Sunday, specifically because I started to feel that it was out of routine and not because I needed to be there. Like it was like you gotta go to church because you gotta go to church. Yeah. And I Do you think some people need that though? Yes, I do. I think even in my life, I needed that at some point. To go just to keep going, to make it a habit, yes. But when it became, I was doing it out of religion and not because I was trying to really see God. That's when I had to be honest with myself and say, okay, you need to take a break and really get back to the root of it, like the root, because now you're just going for fellowship. Yeah. And I don't, I, and that's a good component, but I don't want to just go to church for fellowship. Like, I can fellowship anytime. Like I can go anywhere and have, you know, be with people. So I I really wanted to make sure I was honed in on God. Like my focus was really God. And so what I had started doing, I didn't what I didn't do is I didn't just stay at home and not do nothing. So what I started doing, me and my husband both, we started like basically having church at home, like, but being intentional, like getting up out of the bed, getting opening up up the Bible, talking about it, reading it, talking about it, and like and seeing what God wanted us to get from it, like on our own, on a own in our in our own environment. Right. And um that and I feel like I needed that because you will go to church for all the wrong reasons. Oh, I wanna, I wanna wear this outfit. Oh, I wanna, you know what I'm saying? And it's it's normal because we people to sometimes get in the rhythm of doing stuff just because you just do it. You know what I'm saying? And and not keeping the main thing the main thing. Right, right. And so I feel like it's certain it's seasons for every faith believer, every believer like that. Like, I feel like at the beginning, it's probably good for you to be in that, you know, just repetitive thing just to get you in there, just to get you around people. Yeah, because yeah, you can fellowship around anybody, but if I'm fellowshipping at the club, it ain't I ain't fellowshipping with the same people that I'm not gonna. But I'm just I'm just saying that. I know what you mean, but I'm just saying that for viewer aspect. Like for people, I don't want nobody to get discouraged and be like, oh, I can go to church if I ain't just focused in on the Lord all day while I'm there. Like, you get distracted at church, you know. You you might be thinking, Well, now why are they water? Or you know, but you uh you gotta get to, like you said, you gotta remember the main thing is the main thing. Yes. And I think back to the Drewski skid and back to the the the everybody that's in the outrage behind this, they forgot the main thing. Y'all didn't forgot the main thing. Because y'all sit up and y'all watch pastors in Christian Lubington's on these big old stage. You watch pastors spitting people's eyes, you done watched pastors and Maybex and Rose and all this. And then that's the other thing. But when we make fun of it, now it's a problem. It's a problem. It's like we have gotten away, like they say, from the plot. Like I feel like for it's okay. I I honestly, I'm not gonna lie, I love God down, and that was one of my next questions. Can you love God and still side our church behavior? Yes, because if you don't, then who will? Like, if you don't call it out, then who will? And so and and and I think the the church people sometimes are the most like easily offended type of people. And they can't be called out, they can't be called out, and so that's why we have this culture of we can we can't laugh about it, we we we can we can see it every day, but we're not gonna say nothing, but then somebody making a joke, yeah, we we mad. You know what I'm saying? But like why we wasn't mad from the beginning, right? Right. No, we was mad from the beginning. We've been side eyeing it, we've been talking about it in our group chats when we leave. You done told somebody that uh if you go to church with your spouse or significant other, y'all done talked about that on the way home in the car. I don't care what you're talking about. I don't care what you're talking about, I don't care how holy you say you are, the oldest of old people. I be hearing them on my way out. Yeah, talking about now, why they get up that like, you know, so you can all you can be going to church till you're 80s. Who is accountability piece for uh leaders in the church? Um the congregation, but they don't speak up. I mean, it's supposed to be the congregation, but they don't so they I don't know if they feel like the pastor is uncorrect, like not somebody you can correct. Above correction. Yeah, above correction, or they just don't see the problem in it. But it's supposed to be the congregation. If I'm gonna get my money, and it's not because you're giving your money to the Lord, you're not giving it to the church. But if I'm gonna be putting, if I'm gonna let you be the middleman to the Lord, not the middleman. Look, look, I gotta be able to tell you something there now and then. I gotta be able to say, hey, that was questionable, you know. Um, can you explain to me like what you mean about it or like what you were trying to do, where you were trying to go with that? Maybe I just didn't understand you. So do okay, what about this? This is this is not one of my, um, we're gonna move into the last segment last year. Um, this is not on my cards, but how do you feel about churches taking up um donations or money for certain things? Say, for instance, the church says, Oh, we're gonna build a new children's church, or we're gonna new, we're gonna take this money up to get a new church, or whatever the case may be, and then uh that never happens, and then it's like we just go on. How do you feel about that? Nah, yeah, I wouldn't donate to that church again unless they gave me a receipt. Give me a receipt. But okay, but still, but what what okay, if they never do it, it's almost kind of like with ties. And I know this is not, I'm not saying this is tied. But if they never do it, you want to just be like, well, it wasn't in God's will, y'all. No, in that or I gave out of the kindness of my heart. I didn't give out of if you to make sure to make it happen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So how does that go? I mean, yeah, I did give it out the kindness of my heart, but if we are collectively as a community or as a um, you know, church putting together for something to happen. Like we just did that for uh to send some some stuff to Jamaica. My pastor ain't have to do that, but he's been on the pulpit giving us updates. Hey, y'all. It's taking a little while for that box, that that package to get to Jamaica because a lot of stuff is backed up because a lot of people trying to send stuff to Jamaica. But I do got it, I just want to let y'all know I'm using y'all's money effectively. You know what I mean? He didn't have to do that. So effective communication. Effective communication. It actually happened and you giving your money. Because you you can't just say, well, y'all, yeah, you know, it didn't happen. We were saving. Or just not say nothing. Or not say nothing. Just ignore the elephant in the room. You know, you just gonna keep weeks and weeks gonna come off ass. And we like, dang, they sure did not. I mean, they just stopped talking about their children's church. Like, ain't nobody even said nothing about it. Yeah, yeah, you gotta say something. Yeah. Effective communication. But do they feel like they don't owe that because they are the pastors? I I'm the leader here. I'm the Yeah. And then you know, I feel like too, a lot of churches are ran by men. And you know how men are. They just expect you, even in households, like not even taking the church. They expect you not to question. Yeah, like you, you, you, I'm a lead, just follow my lead, just follow my lead, type of thing. So I think that's uh some of it comes from that too. But um what's one rule, one church rule that you follow that you never that never really align with your values? Um one church rule that I follow that don't align my values. I don't know, because I don't I don't know any church rules that I follow besides going to church, paying my tithes. I all that is making sense. So that I do what makes sense to me. Okay. Um, I know I'm supposed to just do it without understanding, but that ain't just how my mind works right now. I gotta have some kind of understanding to it. Right. I don't know. What about you? Just tell me one so I can think. Maybe I I might just I might spark one. For one, the turn to your neighbor, I hate it. I don't do it, I don't listen, I don't obey. I don't. That is so petty. I'm not turning to my neighbor, I'm not telling my neighbor anything. Why? Because like I think it's just I don't like when I can feel something being uh performative. And I know that that is like that's like almost that's the equivalent to like even with teaching, that's the equivalent to make sure you're um it's like an engagement strategy. You know what I'm saying? Like it's like a you know how you know the insides of something and it make you feel uncomfortable when it's really done? Like that's what that does for me because it's like okay, turn to your neighbor and say, I know that ain't right. Well, just preach. Like, I don't want to turn to my neighbor five times in this sermon and ask that. Like, I it's just annoying to me. It is. I'm sorry. It it's fine, but it's annoying to me. I ain't never seen nothing wrong with turning to my neighbor, but now that you said, like, I mean, don't necessary, it's not necessary. But I I kind of get where, like you said, in the the engagement part of it, like to make sure that the people around you like are not just I think I'm just so far and not even far. Like, I'm not saying like I'm above anybody or more spiritual than anybody. I'm just saying I'm just so like give me what I need. Like, give me what I need. I need I'm for real, for real. Like, I you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't want to play. I don't want to play church, and I feel like it's a form of playing church. Like when you, you know, everybody do that. Like turn to your neighbor. Oh, like the You know what I'm laughing is because uh you you ever seen the videos of and then a lot of little kids do it, but like the little babies that that be in church a lot, and they up and uh like mocking church when they be at home. There's this one little boy I watch specifically, and he be saying something. He'd be turn to your neighbors, and then he'll go down there and touch his little sister. Like it's so performative. It's like a don't do that. Don't tell me. Yes, I just don't like it. I don't want to be one of those people who wake up on Sunday and be like, Well, yes. But I like the fellowship of it, I like the community. I don't know. I'm still stuck in that part of it right now, so no, I do too. I really do. That's why I say I like doing the extracurricular stuff. Like I love being around people who, like you said, are believers, um, people who are just humans, they got stuff going, but they still like being positive. Like, I just I don't know. I like stuff like that. Like on Thursdays, that's why I figure out they go and tell their problems for real. They'll get Thursdays. They go to the bike. They used to be Wednesdays for me. I feel like I used to come out on Wednesdays. They they used to do Bible studies on Wednesday. I don't know why my church did on Thursdays, but oh, they do Bible studies on Thursday. Okay. They go to the the mic and they baby. We talk for real. Like how me and you talking, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. So I get why I get I can see that. Yeah, I need a little bit of both though. I need a little bit of both. Yeah, I need a little hype me up on Sundays, it's almost like the club church. You know what I mean? Like you hype me up, Jesus. Like turn it up. And then like the club church. Yeah. And then like Thursdays is when you go practice your dance moves. You know what I'm saying? Okay. You know what I'm saying? That's how I gotta articulate it right now. Another one is um the priming and pro the the part of the rules I don't like to follow. If I'm in a mood of gratitude or complete worship, like, you know, like as far as like just thankfulness or if I'm full, my worship may not be the same as somebody that likes to like jump and scream like that. I might just literally just close my eyes and like just thank God, like, you know, or whatever I want to do. And I feel like I don't like the fact that that's look that is like, y'all ain't doing enough. Like when they get on them, I can be like, y'all ain't happy, y'all ain't, yeah, y'all ain't thankful enough, y'all ain't now you gonna do it. That hit dog, that hit dog be hollering, I mean, that hit dog situation be happening to me because he be, y'all will scream at this, this, that, and the third, and y'all ain't gonna holler at church. You know what I would. I'd be at the football games going in. Right. But that's like, I don't know. Maybe I I just find it, I cheer there. I I worship differently here. Like, to me, sometimes worship is different. Worship can look like a worship, first of all, is a lifestyle. It's not a thing. Yeah. It's not a thing. And so that's why I'm like, just let people, like, it's some people that are sitting there that just they they just come in to say they came and they ain't thankful enough. They just But even, even I wanna I wanna let you get to your last sips, but even the ones that's hooping and hollering. Theatrics. That don't mean they came, that don't mean they came to do it, they came to hoop and holler. Some people just come to do that. Like, exactly. It's I ain't gonna talk about nobody, but it's some people that I I every Sunday watch that ghosts get on them. And I'm just like, I think you're promoting the church. Look, it gives me that you're trying to give some good church promotion in here. Like you're trying to make it seem like this the best church you've never been to. And you're close to the you're close to the pool pill. I feel like I be having some uh a high level of discernment too. And a lot of this stuff is not, let me tell you, a lot of the stuff that I'm saying, like turning to your neighbor, like your pastor doing it and he's performative and it's a bad thing. Right, I'm not saying that. But I feel like some stuff because some people need that. Because some people do need that, and I feel like certain instances I have been in situations to where I felt like it was very much that. Yeah, like you know, it it wasn't genuine, you know what I'm saying? So I think you it's a thin line of being able to discern whether it is and it's not, and if it's uh if it's necessary or not. But um Yeah, and no means was this was our our time to sit here and talk about how people choose to worship and do what they do. Like I'm just speaking about it. I hope nobody ever takes this, yeah, take this the wrong way. But I I wanted to talk about this because it's the things that people don't get to talk about. Because, like we say, there is a space for it to be held accountable for y'all to be held accountable. Or you know what I'm saying? Is it necessary to uh let us know that you bought your wife some red bottoms for her birthday and all that for church? I don't think I don't think that's necessary for our saving our. And I'm I'm glad that Drewski is did do the skid because it is, I feel like it might bring along a little accountability because if y'all seen it wrong when he was doing it, y'all got to see it wrong when your pastor walk up there and you do, but you're just whispering it to your friend instead of saying, I don't know how you approach a pastor to say something like that. Like, hey, I don't it makes us feel, I think that'll probably be the best way. To us, it feels like, or to, because not just to me, people talking about it in the congregation. To us, it feels like boasting, bragging, whatever. If you gotta tell us that you done bought your your bottom, your wife red bottoms, it feels unnecessary. It feels like it has nothing to do with the plot. Yeah, and it does like with the the story, we can't get away. I think that's what we get away from the plot. When you start adding on those different layers and you do all that, that doesn't have anything to do with the word, then that's when it becomes performative and unnecess unnecessary. You might as well have been doing a Drewski sketch your damn stuff exactly in a church, like yeah. You got any last things? I did, but I'm not gonna have to I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and let y'all go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna let y'all sit on that one because I hope y'all the hidden dog's gonna holler. So whatever, whatever happens, happens. Yeah, it's up and it's stuck. We see it where we see it. It's above us now. Definitely say what we said, it's above us now. We could talk about it. Let's discuss. See you next week. Bye.