Black Men vs Black Women? The REAL Problem Nobody Wants To Address | Ep. 109

In this episode of Cup Of Conversation Podcast, Coco and Tee dive deep into the ongoing conversation surrounding Black men vs Black women, accountability, emotional intelligence, therapy, trauma, social media gender wars, and the protection of Black women.

After recent conversations online involving Megan Thee Stallion, Klay Thompson, relationship discourse, and viral debates about “picking better,” we wanted to unpack the REAL issue beneath the surface. Why does social media amplify division between Black men and Black women? Are people truly this disconnected in real life, or are these conversations only louder online?

We discuss:

Black women feeling unprotected and undervalued
Men holding other men accountable
Accountability in friendships and group chats
Childhood trauma and emotional immaturity
Mental health and therapy in the Black community
Why emotional intelligence matters in relationships
Social media outrage culture
The impact of toxic masculinity
“Pick better” conversations and dating standards
The role of fathers, family, and community
Why healing is necessary for healthy Black relationships
Megan Thee Stallion & Klay Thompson discourse
Black love, empathy, and conflict resolution

This episode gets vulnerable, emotional, honest, and uncomfortable at times — but these are conversations worth having.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated by modern dating, gender wars online, lack of accountability, or the state of Black relationships today, this conversation is for you.

COMMENT BELOW:
How should men hold other men accountable?
Do you think social media has damaged relationships?
Can therapy and healing improve the Black community?

LIKE • COMMENT • SUBSCRIBE
New episodes weekly from the Cup Of Conversation Podcast 🎙️

#BlackWomen #BlackMen #BlackLove #MeganTheeStallion #KlayThompson #RelationshipPodcast #DatingPodcast #BlackRelationships #MentalHealth #Therapy #GenderWars #EmotionalIntelligence #Accountability #PodcastClips #RelationshipAdvice #SocialMediaCulture #BlackCommunity #ModernDating #WomenPodcast #couplespodcast 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:14

What's up, y'all? Welcome back to another cup of conversation. Where we have conversations worth having. I'm your girl Coco. And I'm your girl T. And today we getting into episode number 109. Pim, pam, pam, pam, pam.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Yeah, because we did 108. No, for real. We need to add that to the bucket list. The budget needs to, we need some some drops. Some real drop sounds, right? But um, to start the episode off, um, I know y'all probably haven't seen us on the couch in a minute. We've been vlogging. I hope y'all love it. Um, we've been outside. And the podcast is coming together because we're going outside. And we're gonna have to get outside a little bit more. So I hope y'all are used to that. Or get used to that. But we still will kind of like make sure that we got enough couch content for y'all because I know this is what they what they come for. This is what we're here for.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Um, but to start off, child, today we're gonna talk about the current climate. The current climate that social media has like brought to the forefront and exaggerated and made like a huge thing. Um let the people in the streets tell it. Y'all gonna see from my last vlog, but let the people in the streets tell it. This ain't what's really going on in the streets. And I think they only said that because we like sweeping it under the rug in the street, like in person. Like in reality, a lot of these issues are being swept under the rug. But on social media, the smallest things can make somebody comment their opinion or their feelings, especially if it's like selective outrage, yeah. You know, especially if it strikes like a well, I don't think so. I think they're really outraged about this shit. But when it comes for me to tell you this in person instead of typing it to you, it's a different feel. Like it's it's this is something different.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

So you think that they really feel some type of way about which part?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Like in person, or if we talk, we talk about the men versus women conversation. In person, if a woman really thinks that a man don't know how to handle handle himself emotionally, or that was like a dumb answer you gave, nine times a good percentage of the time she's not gonna tell him that. Okay, it's easier to say that was a dumb ass thought in the comments than saying that in person, because you're probably gonna be talking to a boyfriend, a brother, uh, a daddy, or somebody that you don't want to hurt their feelings, or you could just be talking to your friend, and then you might get more candid with it and be like, no, that's dumb. Right. But we didn't learn to coddle feelings in reality. So I want to start off by asking how do you feel about the current climate, like um, with black women versus black men in your personal life, not on social media. Like, how does it look in your life?

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Um I feel like I have two thoughts because in my personal life, I feel like um men, the men in my life, I feel like they they do take an approach of holding somebody, holding men accountable for when they do things wrong. And um just like a personal thing of mine, like I have a brother that's an ain't shit nigga. And we both do. Right. And when it came down to it, my husband was like, when he heard about it, like he was furious, like for real, for real. And he was like, I don't want that nigga over here no more. Like, I don't want him around me, my kids, like I don't want to be attached to him, and like um I think it's a real situation, like people want to, but the other part of it is like but what is me doing is gonna do, is it gonna change anything? So I think even the sometimes holding somebody accountable, it doesn't change anything, and so it makes it like almost to like just my own. I'm wasting my breath. I might as well worry about the people exactly in my circle, and then on the other hand, like the two sides I'm saying is that same person to my dad is his son, so it's kind of like is he not holding him accountable or is he doing what nobody else is required to do because they're not his dad? Right, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, is he holding him because he could be telling him, you know, this, that, that, but right to me, but nobody else is required to put up with his shit or love him through his shit. Exactly. So it's like, are you holding him accountable or are you doing what a parent has to do, and you are, but it doesn't look like it because you're not washing your hands with your child, right? So it's like it's a 50-50 in my life personally. Um but you know, um I was talking to a friend, and even with a parent, she was like, you know, even as a parent, when you don't align with the morals and the things that I raise you to have, or that you know, that you should have, whether I raised you with them or not, you I could I have the right to wash my hands with you. You know what I'm saying? And until I wash my hands, because it's nothing like a parent washing their hands. Yeah. So she made it seem like if until I wash my hands as a parent with you, you probably will forever be okay with doing whatever you're doing because then it's like you expect everybody else to not. Yeah, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 5:17

I get that. But I also get like I watch um a lot of crime shows, and I I be seeing parents who, you know, didn't raise their kids to be a fucking murderer, but now they're a murderer, and they like, oh, you know, it was this one woman specifically was like, my new husband now is like very confused as to why I still hold space for my son, why I still go see him and this and that. And I think it's a it's something in a parent that has a hard time not even just holding their kids accountable, but like showing them the consequences of accountability. Because remember how we was talking the other day, like everybody say I'm accountable, I'm accountable. What's the action of accountability? Like, what actively are you doing to say this is the accountability that I'm holding them to? This is how I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_03 6:04

Yeah, how, the how part. Exactly. Are you doing it? What you're doing, I'm holding them accountable. How are you holding it accountable to it? Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Um, but for me in my life, the personal, I think the um the climate of black women and black men, it's kind of like like you said, I have a few people in my family who are like progressive, who are trying to learn from their wrongs. But then I still have a whole lot of rug sweepers. A lot of people who we know it's happening and we'll talk to each other because we like it's wrong, it's wrong. But we're not, we're not holding, we're not doing the action of holding accountable. Like actually telling them, actually cutting them off. Actually, uh, if you know your son a cheater, stop giving him a babysitter. You know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Like, it's things you could be doing. So, how do you hold somebody accountable but without also treating men like they're disposable? Oh, you you mess up, I'm cutting you off. Because I also kind of think that yes, that's a form of kind of holding somebody accountable, but at the end of the day, is it really? No, because that's easier.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

You you let them go to do it to somebody else. Right. You're not like, but then everybody is their own person. So as much as I can put your feet to the fire, feet to the fire, and tell you, this sucks, like you a bad person for doing this, blah, blah, blah. If you do not want to change, you're not going to change. Even if you do um sometimes kind of get that little um acknowledgement that, okay, she's trying, she's trying, she's trying. I might need to make some changes because I see that she wants me to change. If you don't want that, like it might start and stop. Right. It's one of those things that you're not gonna, and if you don't see the value in changing and you don't really know why you're doing it, you just know this is because somebody else wants me to do it, you're not gonna keep up with it. Right. It's more, it's come, it's kind of like trying to lose weight. You know, if you if you don't want that yourself, right, and you just think it's a beauty standard. Uh uh, oh, I gotta make a good picture on Instagram. My birthday coming up. I need to lose. That's gonna make you start and stop. Right. You know what I'm saying? I'm a witness. Yeah, me too, but me too. But you want to start off our main topic or you want to go on here. Yeah, okay. So with the noise that's that recently sparked up, we know that clay and egg star sparked it all that sparked all that up. Um, it wasn't really- I wouldn't even say clay and make sparked it back up. That's what I that's what I they didn't initiate it at all.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

Because the I think the crime on black women in the month of April alone, we were trying to figure out why are black men not protecting black women or women, period. Men protecting women, period. The amount of specifically black women that died at the hands of their significant other husbands, boyfriends, baby daddies, men, period, was outrageous.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Yeah. And it's really this, like I said, is not a new thing, it's a re-spark conversation. And we've always been, I want to put this to y'all, like they put it to me um in that video I watched. If we're talking about the societal standard of men and women, black and white, I know there's other races before y'all jump in the comments. I know that. We're talking about how some American society is looking. Y'all, y'all kind of straggle y'all way between these lines. But for the the definite of how it goes, it's white men, white woman, black man, black woman. The black woman is always at the bottom, okay? The two in the middle can be interchanged depending on what we're talking about. If we're talking about uh corporate situations, you're gonna put a black man before you put a white woman.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Okay. And if he messed up though, that white woman getting messed because it's but this is why it was so easy for society and everybody to accept Obama being a president, but Michelle, I mean, not Michelle, but uh Kamala, uh no, that's that's too far-fetched. You know what I mean? Not only she's a woman, she's a black woman. Even I mean, they did it to Hillary, too. So I mean, it's not just black women, it's like I said, we get that interchangeable, but the black woman is always at the bottom. And I don't think nobody really realizes that. Like the short end of the stick for everything. For uh education, we got to work three times as hard. Even though we just as smart as everybody else, we didn't make the degrees and do all that, we still have to work three times harder to show ourselves in that workplace in relationships. We trying to prove that we good women, good spouses, good, good mates, and we still have the the pick of the litter that we have. Um, it just gets to a point where it doesn't feel like nobody values us. And it seems like, like when I say nobody, I mean nobody. I'm not talking about like, oh, black men sometimes see us. And I'm talking about nobody. Like it's a it's a constant reminder. And that may Megan thing reminded me that because of the fact that the reaction, not the the situation, it was the reaction. Okay, it was how men were just like happy to see that happening. Like it wasn't like and then somebody made a good point that if she had been a couple shades lighter, that this conversation probably would have been different.

SPEAKER_03 11:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Because I ain't never seen no pictures of of all the niggas Cardi had lined up in a a train on the couch.

SPEAKER_03 11:22

Lotto either. Lotto, no when we okay, so for this is a great comparison. You're right, because if you think about sexy red and you think about uh what's her name? The one that was with Big Sean, Janae. I uh her, they rap about, they sing and rap about the exact same stuff. If you listen to some of her music, it's parallel to what sexy red. And when sexy red came out, you remember all the outrage. Oh, that's ghetto, that's this, that's it. But it was okay for her to do it.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Uh don't be surprised, you know. This pussy is like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 11:58

Like it's it's the same. Yes, and I just think that people are so people say they like the real, they want the real, they want authentic, but it's easy to accept something that is like a cosplay of the reality. Sexy red, really a ghetto bitch. Yeah, like we why would we expect anything more from her? You get what I'm saying? Like, that's really it's people that walk around that look just like sexy red in real life.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

That's why she resonated with so many people because we know a sexy red. Every one of us that look like this, no, no one of her.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Like we know, like in real life.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Wrestling suits and all, like, yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Y'all can go to Greenspoint and find one just like, you know what I'm saying? Collect.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Bubba got three cousins like that. Like three. I'm talking about right off the back I can ask. Right. I mean, it's really one of those things where I I don't think, and this is the thing that that sucks the most. I don't think that when men are getting on here making these talking points, that they're even thinking deep enough to know the damage that they're actually saying, because society has trained them to be so surface level that it's either a joke or um, you know, we we didn't mean it like that because y'all still see us marrying black women out here, you know.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

But until it's they it's a joke and it's funny, ha ha, until it's your daughter, your niece, your mama, your sister. So so miss me with the oh, we didn't mean it like that. No, you see, like the guys were saying, any woman you see as just an object, like as that's outside of your mama, your this, your dad, your sister, and all of them, you don't look at us like human beings. And that's the reality of it, really, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

And that's sad to be to be quite like that. Is very sad because most men, like you said, even when we was doing these street conversations, no shade, no tea. I and I'm gonna go on here to throw that out there. No shade, no tea. I don't see exactly. Anybody who was on there. But none of the men we spoke to had any like inklint of an idea of what we was talking about. And not even just the topic at hand. I'm talking about the damage that they are doing actively. Like they don't even know it. Saying things like that about, I mean, you could just be joking online and they'd like to compare it to women. Women all always be talking about men ain't she, blah, blah, blah. First of all, let's start with the fact that y'all are supposed to be leading. Y'all holler about women don't be submissive and y'all ain't lead. Yeah, that y'all want to follow around behind everything we do. If we say something emotional, y'all gonna say something emotional back. Right. You know what I mean? It's not, it's never a separation.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

When it's when it's men versus with men and men versus a woman. For an example, it's funny how a man could be around their friends or they niggas and they'll be like, ah nigga, you you crying over this big this and this. And then you be the same nigga that come to your woman and be like, Man, babe, I'm going through it, I'm having a mental, and and then when the bitch be like, Oh niggas, stop all that crying. This I can't even be emotional, I can't even be emotional. But that same person is telling they nigga, oh, just go fuck another bitch. Like, it's like uh y'all live in a double in a double world. Like, what is it? What do y'all really want? Like, like, like get to the get down to the bottom of this. What do y'all really want? What do y'all really want to be able to be? What do y'all really want to be able to be understood about like about y'all? Like, what is it? Because it's it's too many different characters, really. Yeah, yeah, and then that's what I that's what makes this conversation hard for me because I I really didn't want to talk about women at all. Because I feel like if we asking men, how are you holding men accountable? We are basically wanting insight on the shit that we dealing with on the outside of y'all group chats. How are y'all addressing it inside of y'all group chats? Don't bring up but what the bitch did, yeah. Oh, but what the woman did, or what what oh she ain't what did what are you saying to his behavior? Yeah, not whatever she did before. What are you speaking to his behavior about? And I feel like what T is saying about the interviews that we had, respect to all those men, they look like pretty much all stand-up guys, they look like they take care of their business. I followed a few that were married men, but at the end of the day, none of them gave us the how. Everybody said, Oh, yeah, I hold my niggas accountable, I hold my niggas about even in the in the um comments comment section of some of the posts that we made this week. Men are saying that they're doing it, but they're not saying how. Yeah, so I'm a woman on the outside looking like, what are y'all doing? What are y'all saying? Is it some help on the other end? Because y'all don't listen to us. Y'all tell us you just need to listen. You just need that, y'all just want us to listen. Right, right. So y'all ain't listening to what we're saying. So we just trying to see what if you ain't listening to us, when you listen to your boys, what are they saying and what's being and how is it being held accountable for that?

SPEAKER_01 16:37

That's like me trying to explain to a white person about racism. It'd make more sense if a white person said, Look, we shouldn't do this. Because you know what I mean? So, like, I don't know why niggas don't understand. Like, it made more sense for you to say. Right. It's one thing when we, like, yeah, we might be saying niggas ain't shit, but we ain't you a lot of women ain't using their emotional terms correctly. It ain't niggas ain't shit. We haven't held men accountable for all the actions that they have done thus far, and they continue to do them. We've gave them room. I mean, they've always to be honest, historically, men have always thought smaller women. I don't think it's ever really been a time. Like if you think of the the queens and kings of England back then, you know, they was daddies was giving their daughters off just because this is a rich man and he can he can make your life good. Or or this might this might add to the family dynamic. So now we can work with these people and these people, and now we're connected in this way.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

So that leads me to believe that this is more of a uh systematic type of situation that we're dealing with. And when we're talking about um holding somebody accountable, it can't be like, oh, me and my partners, me and my partners. Like, okay, outside of taking it away from the individualism that we work we focus on now. Today, how are you holding men accountable as a whole? Like, what are you doing? Almost like um Dr. Umar, when he was talking about it, he was saying, like, okay, you might be a good father to your kids, your sons, but what are you doing for people that you know that don't have dads in the household? Are you going taking your Saturdays and like, okay, I'm gonna go to your basketball game with you because I need you need to have some supportive black men around? Oh, I'm gonna come get you and we're gonna have a mental health day and we're gonna talk about this, or like even in your individual circles, you just you waiting on an opportunity to hold your friends accountable instead of being proactive and saying, My nigga got kids. Let's me and my niggas go and get our kids and take our kids on a play date. Right, right. Why is it always you gotta wait to hear that your nigga ain't taking care of his kids and be like, man, you know how to take care of your kids? That ain't holding nobody accountable. Yeah, like give it some real work, do some real work behind the accountability. Don't just be like, man, you need to take care of your kids. All right, back to the game. Yeah, yeah. We on the game. Like, nigga, like that is not no real accountability. Like, who's gonna go back and take care of their kids after they know that's all you're gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 19:00

And we know that this is like a systematic issue. Uh, because the same thing can be said for black people in society too, how it's systematically set up for us to go certain ways. But we all know that some of us have deviated from the path and we've done good outside of them wanting us to do. So, what do you think for like men, where do you think this mindset stems from? And how do you think that they deviate from this normal path that that that's been set for them for so many years?

SPEAKER_03 19:30

So, for me, I believe that a lot of men are um angry at the lives they've been dealt. They have not done the work mentally to understand how their childhood a lot I feel like a lot of men are stuck at age six, seven, eight, nine, probably when they first started getting a realization of this is your life, this is what it is, whether it's the life of not growing up with a dad, growing up with a um a mom that uh was promiscuous, growing up with a um no mama and no daddy, being raised by your grandfather, your grandma, whatever the case may be. I feel like whatever trauma that you dealt with as a child, I feel like a lot of people have not get gotten far away from you.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

And so when you think about our community, it's good. It's good uh to just ignore it and act like I'm talking about people be 40 and 50 years old and have not addressed small traumas. Like they just living with them. And like you said, like being raised by a mother, single mother, which a good percentage of our what Dr. Umar said, two-thirds of black women are raised our society, like two-thirds of black women. So that means majority of the women around here did not have a partner to show you emotional intelligence. So you're acting just like your mom. And you don't even look, you're not, you don't have to be able to do that. We too we too deep, we too, you know, you're not even thinking about that because you so good and stuck in your ways and what's comfortable. You know because it's uncomfortable to talk about. Like, and women, I I don't know the percentages of it, but I know women go to therapy and get more help for their mental at more of a rate than men do. I can probably guarantee y'all that. And I ain't even looked it up yet. Yeah. But it's that's that's where the problem lies. Like you cannot ignore your mental health. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

And I feel like the the men, they don't have not even like just mental health on a day-to-day basis. I'm talking about real mental health, like really taking a deep dive into why are my behaviors the way that they are? Like outside of a woman, outside of anybody else, outside of myself, why do I act the way I am? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Even though that's a long way to get to because I was just talking to somebody today. I'm not even gonna put a name on it. But do you know, like I was saying something like, oh, well, you should have. And do you know their first thought was to be like, but that's because you didn't. No, but a lot of people don't even think of, man, why did I do it like that? Or why did I say that? What did what Made me want to respond that way. It's never about them. It's never about. I almost made that post earlier on Facebook. Like a lot of a lot of people go through a lot of problems and it's never about them. It is always about to be.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

Because a lot of people are folk are uh hyper focused on the intent rather than the impact that something has caused.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

And they end up trying to defend the intent.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Exactly. You're you're defending it. Well, I ain't really mean it. Like I wasn't really going when I was going up to her. I never was going up to her with an attitude, this, this, and that, or this, whatever the case may be. But you're so focused on your intent and you're not recognizing the impact that your actions have caused, whether it was meant or not. And I think that's where a lot of men go wrong because they are so focused on but she did, but I ain't. But you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 22:54

It's like never real accountability. Emotional intelligence, like you have to check your mental health. I don't care how far you think you, how good you think think you're doing, you got 24 hours in a day. You have a lot of decisions to make in that 24 hours. There's no way that you think every decision you made is reactive to what somebody else did to you.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

And if it is, that's even more of a reason to check into it because nobody shouldn't be able to make you do anything. Like you, I don't care what you say. If T says something about my baby right now, back in my head, I'm gonna want to steal off on T. But at the end of the day, I have to be more emotionally mature and mentally sound to say, okay, if I also steal off on T, she could press charges on me. I can go to jail, or I could hurt her, she could fall over this mic and then hit her hair. Like you have to think more into just your initial thought. And I think a lot of the times men allow, and men and women, but people allow their brain to fill in a bank blank from them from their past trauma or their past. Yes, even if it ain't trauma. Your past experiences. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Oh, last time somebody said something to me, I stole off on okay. Well, this time I'm doing the same thing instead of like really rationalizing and seeing like what am I doing to contribute to this?

SPEAKER_01 24:12

I'm talking about trauma be so deep. A dude I was dealing with told me one time that his ex broke up with him because she was saying that, you know, the Africans on the West side got more money than you, blah, blah, blah. You know, just like hanging a money thing over his head. So now he thinks that everybody wants him for his money.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Hey, nigga, you ain't got nothing. It's like literally delusional. Like, you know what I mean? Like, right.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

You can't think nobody wants you for your money, but that girl traumatized you. Right. So now you think every girl you come across is chasing you for that. And and I done set up with you up in this Honda, and you know what I'm saying, picked you up from work and shit. Like, I know you ain't got a car. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

I know you ain't got no money. Like, what we talking about? Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Like, you let, but people let that trauma respond. I can't tell you.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

I know. Yeah, you I do. I know, I know. You can't let that trauma respond.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Somebody with a camera. Who is it? I can't tell you. I can't tell you. But like, no, seriously, though. They let that trauma respond for the and I'm even working on that myself because I I guess you can like, I guess I would have never recognized that I was a pick me because the fact that they call it pygmies. When you're calling it a pick me, you make it seem like you're doing that because you want men to see you. Mm-hmm. I ain't never needed to be picked. But I'm saying that to say I would like try to be seeing. Remember, I always tell you, I start this podcast because I want to see perspective. I be trying to see both ends of the, so I end up questioning women like we we tend to do sometimes. Well, what she did, or well, what that, what, what that had to. When whole time, it should have just been protection from the jump. Like, she should have never had to do whatever it was to get to wherever she was at.

SPEAKER_03 25:54

And I don't believe you wrong for that because it does have to be some accountability in our group chat too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, just like we were questioning of them, like, what's the accountability in y'all group chat? It has to be some accountability in y'all group chat too. Oh, that nigga ain't taking care of his kids. I'm mine letting little Johnny go over there no more. Hold on, bitch. Like, wait a minute. How is that gonna affect little Johnny never seeing his dad again? Like, right, right, right. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, okay, this time instead of you going over there, he got he went upside your head when you picked up little Johnny the last time. Okay, this time I'm gonna go with you. We're gonna bring the police. Like, it's it's systems to being able to do. Let's do something. Like, let's do something. It's systems to be able to do things. So I just feel like we just don't take it far far enough. Um, and I don't think that men, because at the end of the day, the men that's growing up that ain't shit, they was little boys at one point. So I feel like at this age right now, it should be more men that's very hyper focused on corralling any young men that they find, they see that don't have no guidance and being that that guidance for them.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Like I know that it's a lot to ask. I ain't know that. Like that video we um seen on social media where that man is like training them to do yes, no with no mention, yeah, yeah, yeah. Masculine men things. I don't understand why it hasn't been a uh outrage of those kind of groups just popping up everywhere. It ought to be one in every city now. Because he's viral as fuck. So I know people done seen it.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Yeah, they didn't seen it. Um the man, the Meg and Clay Thompson thing, and not to bring this back up, but the part that really gets me is because we all talked about this, and me and T talked about this. We all talked about how Clay Thompson wasn't Meg's type. Yeah. And we all thought, if we can be honest, men and women, we all thought, oh, that he's a different type of man. He don't think he's gonna she show her the this side of that, the this side of that. He's with Russell Wilson, he's you know what I mean. And why are we not talking about the fact that you you because we like because like a lot of men like to say, oh, you just need to pick better, you need to pick better. And it's the moment that you pick better, and even the world believes that you're gonna be like you picked better. Yeah, I mean, going from money bag to clay, you we assume. Right. And um at the moment that we found out that he wasn't the better that all of us thought, not just Meg. All of us thought he was. Why are we not talking about that? Because that gives you insight onto the fact that women, a lot of times, yes, we pick bad men, but a lot of times we don't be knowing that these niggas be bad. These niggas be fucking con artists for real and real. I'm sure he put his best. And then you was at the dinner table eating spaghetti, nigga. With you was you was with your mama. You was like, it's like certain things that you just gotta be like, damn, this nigga really pulled a wool over my eye. And I feel like the black women in particular, but but women in in period, we want to see the good in y'all so bad, and it really hurts my feelings because I feel like when y'all be ain't shit niggas and y'all get gunned down by the police in the street, we could have known y'all for the crack dealing, drug slanging, beating your baby mama nigga that you was, but we in them comments like he deserved that shit. We advocating, we got posters, we got t-shirts, we name them to make us a t-shirt raising go find me for your ass when we know in the back of our head, oh, he really was, but that don't mean he should have gotten shot in the street. Exactly. So why y'all same niggas be sitting in these comments talking about she fuck with this nigga, that nigga, she didn't gay this. Why does that make it okay for a nigga to portray to be something that he not and then be a flaw ass nigga? Why does that why is that okay?

SPEAKER_01 29:38

And then if y'all don't think cheating is enough, y'all did the same thing when the girl got shot. I mean, like it's nothing, nothing that we could do to show y'all that we vulnerable and we need to be. We need, yeah. I mean, y'all can scream all day. Well, y'all be on here talking bad about us when ain't shit and this and that. But when it counts, where we at? When it counts, what are we doing?

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Downtown, yeah, downtown with a baby on our hip, getting pat down, get all kind of shit. Just just doing uh going and and I and I hate to say that maybe we need to just stop doing for these niggas, but that's really not the recipe either, because everybody needs somebody, and all we really sitting on this couch today saying is women need jobs more than we need each other, really, to be honest. Like in a world that we live in, like, really for real, for real. Like, it really did hurt my feelings, like seeing all of the hate that men got from men because it's like, damn, like we in a fucked up world. Like, so where we really live in a world that men hate us, like the very people that's supposed to protect us really hate us. Like, that shit is really, and we'll make we'll sit down and tell our faces blue as this motherfucking shelf over here on this squad, and we'll be trying to explain to why we need y'all so much, and y'all are still turning around and say, Well, y'all shitty, y'all still picking ain't shit niggas, y'all still y'all don't even want to listen. Y'all don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

The same thing Megan said, My nigga cheated. I didn't see no hate train for that girl, I didn't see no picture party. Oh, yeah. She got up and said, you know, uh, offset cheated. That's why we ain't together no more. We didn't see no hate train for her, we didn't see no pictures of all the people she had ever been in a relationship with. We didn't see that. No, like, and I don't get it. She ain't even really black.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

Exactly. Y'all hate us down. Like it's I'm taking it back to Dr. Umar. That's why I don't really care to get nobody else on the couch but Dr. Umar or Charleston White. Because at the end of the day, y'all niggas is self-hate. That's what that's all I can see. It's down into the children. Literally, I sat in my desk today and I told a little girl her name. I'm not gonna say her name, I can't do that. But she is a light skin, she's very light, she like a uh Bryson light, light. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Keep going, keep going.

SPEAKER_03 31:42

Like light, light, okay. She was like, Oh, you like her? Oh, she black. I said, You're black. Not like her. She black, black, like the color black. I said, You're black. I said, if you're up to against a white woman, you're black, you're a black girl. But women, like they use that as an insult. Black little girls, black little boys are at school using that as an insult. Like, it just shows the the where it starts, unconscious self-hate that's embedded in us. Like, and that's all I could think about it. If you if you were willing to put down a black woman at any cost, like it just shows how much you hate being black or something. I I mean, I'm trying to make sense of it. If y'all got a recipe or an answer for the shit, just put it in the comments. Call me 832-921-4909. Like, I'm for real. I'm there. Sorry, Mike Jones. I'm for real. Because see, you was like, you was intense earlier, but I am because like really, like, it really hurts my heart. Like, for real. Like, I could feel my heart hurting, like the fact that yeah, the same men that we be looking for, like to marry, to have kids with. We go out on a limb before ever being married and still having kids with y'all, bum broke ass, and y'all still throw us to the wools.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

And the saddest part about it, we the wool be so over our eyes that we watch them treat other hoes like this and be like, he ain't gonna do me like that. He ain't gonna do me like that.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

Y'all need to start doing interviews with the ex. I'm I've been saying that. Y'all don't be wanting to believe the ex though that bitch. Oh, she ain't got a ass fat as mine, or her stomach ain't fat as mine, or she ain't got enough money. That no, that nigga don't be ain't he don't be shit for real. That nigga need therapy, like for real.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Oh, or or look in his group chat. Look in his group chat, and that'll tell you a lie too.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Look in his group chat, but a lot of times when you we we do have to take accountability as women, when we start attracting certain men back to back, it's time to do the work, yeah, because you're only gonna attract what you are, yeah. What whatever you hold on the inside of you, and I gotta keep it real with myself. The husband I got is who I am, as much as the shit that he does that might not meet the standard that I have, in reality, like you chose that person for a reason. Y'all have some type of connection.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

Say some of your insecurities or whatever the case may have been.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

And at some point, you either gonna get a man that you can see that in, but you can still see the good in him. He ain't beating you, he ain't leaving you, he got some imperfections and do the work with him or move the hell around and do the work in yourself so you can attract better.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Yeah, I agree. I think, and then just to piggyback off on that, I think black men need to start uh taking the initiative to do the work they self. We can't keep on dragging y'all to the therapist, we can't keep on dragging y'all to the church house. We can't keep on dragging y'all. Ain't nobody telling me to go to therapy. My mom ain't telling me, shit, I got people in my family 50, 60 years old, that ain't been to therapy. We can't blame it on our family, we can't blame it on none of that. Like, we have to do the work. I was just telling my boyfriend, like, you might want to start thinking about some therapy. He was like, I got church for right now. And I'm like, Yeah, nigga, that's good. But uh, therapy's in that ultimatum, nigga. You ain't you gotta get that motherfucker therapy. I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Yeah, because you can be churched all day and be the shit. If if church is enough, look at the preachers we got around here. They didn't church out, they didn't church, they done been preachers for 25 plus years, 35 plus years, 45 plus years.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

If you go in somebody in the preacher pipeline, but uh baby, they still.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

And they be the worst men sometimes, not all of them, but a lot of them men be trauma-filled and they be making bad decisions. Think about all the pastors that have been killing their wives. Think about all the videos that's coming out of pastors beating their wives and treating their wives different than they treat them inside the church behind closed doors. Them niggas need mental help.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Yes. Church can't do everything. Avoiding that. We can't keep on avoiding that. And just to close us off, what do you hope to see? I know you said, girl, you don't believe in the black community sometimes, and I feel you. Because we got a long way to go. Like a really long way to go.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

We have a really long way to go. But what I hope to see, that was the end of the year. Yeah, in your lifetime. What I hope to see is people really get to the root of the childhood trauma that they experienced. Because what I'm really figuring out is a lot of people didn't stop. Uh it's almost what did I sent you to?

SPEAKER_01 35:54

Yeah, like that girl said, when you realize you're talking to somebody with a 13-year-old mind, you stop arguing back and forth.

SPEAKER_03 36:00

Because and and what we're really, really, really realizing is even with social media is magnifying that even more, that some people we arguing back and forth with, we're talking to the 13-year-old them. We're not even talking, they fully grown apps, beard, all that. They really still 13 in the mind. Like, you get what I'm saying? When it comes to trauma and how to be, how to have conflict resolution, they don't have that for real, like in real life. So, what I would hope is that we really do the work as black people to get rid of the trauma, the things that we did, the abandonment issues that we have, the stress, yeah, the mish, all of the things that we have because of not saying not to blame, to explain, not to blame your parents for not being what they should have been or how they how they could have been. They was young and and needed help themselves. So it's not even to blame anybody, but to explain where this all started and why it started. And I feel like if we can do that part, I feel like we'll be a lot better people because we'll be more patient with each other, we'll be more understanding of each other. It won't be this back and forth black and white um uh man versus woman type of thing. It'll be like, oh, I have more empathy for you. Like, I really see that this is something that you really can't even understand because you haven't done this X, Y, and Z. You haven't done this type of work. Oh, I got a little more empathy for you. I can wait a little bit longer for you to get the help if you're willing to do that, and then we can maybe come back together and make have a better understanding. But I just wish that we just first do the work, like and stop getting on these things and thinking our age is enough.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Yes, I agree with that. I want to piggyback off of the do the work part. It is so easy to say, and especially sitting up here all the time, we talk about you know, mental health and therapy. If if we're not both doing that for real, that shit gonna show in front of these cameras. That shit gonna show in the the way we respond, the the the way we speak on certain topics and stuff, like it'll show. So you think you're doing a good job at masking it, you think you're doing a good job at covering it up and hiding it from your family, friends, your kids, whoever the case may be, you're not.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

Yeah, I found out I wasn't shit too. I I recently found out I wasn't shit when I really started going to this therapist.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

I'm going to but you know we need to start telling them about that because I think y'all think that we ain't yeah, y'all might think we we ain't not shit. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 38:10

But I'm really like, I'm really finding finding out that oh, okay, and it's not even that like real in real life that I ain't shit, but it's just like, oh, that really affecting me in some type of way because this is how I'm behaving behaving based off of it.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:23

Oh, my mama being entrepreneurs and my daddy being an entrepreneur and always being at work. Oh, I might have a little bit of abandonment issues, not even knowing that that's what that was.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

Like you're not all of the things a name to it, and like I said, naming our emotions and feelings in the correct way. Not saying we ain't shit. You know what I'm saying? I didn't know no better. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I was struggling, I was this, I was that, like being honest, and those words sound vulnerable and they make you sound weak. Baby, weak me out. Make a song, weak me out. Bitch, I'm weak in the knees. It's WB shit. That's a look, it is what it is.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

It is what it is, but yeah. I hope this conversation does something for y'all. I would hope that we could get some men on this show so we are able to really talk to the men and let them explain. Because, like we said, we're not in those group chats, we're just women.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

Explain without blaming women. Yeah, let's let's start there. Let's start there.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

You coming and saying, but what about women?

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Bye. Get your ass up out of here. Get up out of here. Bye. I ain't got time. And just to leave off, I want to add this. And then I'm we finna go, Corey. We're finna go. I ain't trying to be rude or nothing, but the guests that we want on this couch have to be guests of value. I just I don't want to expound on it. I just I want y'all to take that for what it is and let it be. They have to be a good idea. I know that y'all think that just because y'all are influencers and y'all set up y'all own camera, that y'all are good at this, but everybody that's popular ain't got nothing good, ain't always got something to say. So we want valuable guests, good people with good shit to talk about. Expert opinion. Like expert opinions. We want we don't want the social media comment section sitting right here. We don't want that. Like, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:03

Because really, if we're gonna be effective, we gotta do, we gotta get people that's effective. That's already proved proven to be effective.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

So no harm, no foul, if we ain't really put you on the schedule. It is what it is. We're gonna see where you fit in, if you fit in. Maybe do a panel, you know, a show or something. Some look some. Yeah. But we'll see y'all next week. Maybe we'll have some men. Who knows?